Warrnambool family violence detective explains 'love bombing'

They're all examples of love bombing, a form of emotional abuse that Warrnambool police family violence unit Detective Sergeant Kim Wheeler said can lead to a criminal offence.

The detective said unwanted but affectionate forms of contact were not always deemed as family violence by the community but it was time to change that narrative.

"When perpetrators feel a relationship is under threat, or potentially ending, a victim-survivor may find they're subjected to an excessive amount of contact in an attempt to win them back," she said.

And while the content may appear loving and affectionate, it's unwelcome, Detective Sergeant Wheeler said.

"When an AFM (Affected Family Member) is subjected to the harassment of love bombing, they're left feeling powerless and defenceless," she said.

"This contact is not wanted, however the AFMs pleas to the perpetrator to stop are simply being ignored. This is when the behaviour can become criminal."

The Standard this week reported a Warrnambool man was accused of love bombing just days after he was released from jail for breaching an intervention order and sending unsolicited nude photos to the same victim.

Detective Sergeant Wheeler said every time a victim of love bombing hears their phone go off or they walk out to their car, their anxiety rises.

"Perpetrators become fixated and unable to let go of the relationship," she said.

"They're unable to escape the behaviour, to get any space. The AFM opens their phone and there's constant messages and calls coming through.. and quite often they feel overwhelmed and they begin to modify their behaviour by turning off their phone and deactivating their social media accounts."

Sergeant Wheeler said that was problematic because it cuts off an AFM to their family and support network, and prevents them from contacting triple-0 in an emergency.

"When their phone is constantly going off, they're unable to just go about their life and they modify what their doing, disconnecting them with the world," she said.

Detective Sergeant Wheeler said that was particularly concerning for those already physically isolated in a rural space.

"Their access to social media and phones is usually what connects them to the outside world so once they disconnect, they're even more isolated and therefore more at risk," she said.

Detective Sergeant Wheeler said it wasn't as easy as just blocking the perpetrator's number.

"That's not addressing the behaviours because we have multiple examples of someone who will get another sim card, create multiple social media accounts or reach out to family members to pass on a message," she said.

"And love bombing isn't being used only in that private messaging space, but in a public format on social media. So to everyone else it may seem positive, healthy and "loving" seeing these expressions of affection online, but in fact, this is not wanted by the AFM."

And while love bombing is not a standalone crime, Detective Sergeant Wheeler said the behaviour could constitute a criminal offence.

"That includes using a carriage service to menace or harass, or stalking, just to name a few," she said.

"If someone is subject to an intervention order, then there would potentially be other charges relating to breaches of that order."

Detective Sergeant Wheeler said if coercive control was criminalised in Victoria, it would perfectly encompass love bombing as a criminal offence.

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviours used to intimidate, humiliate, surveil and control another person, ultimately robbing victims of autonomy.

Six years ago, the state's Royal Commission into Family Violence considered the introduction of specific offences but the government decided against it, despite recognising coercive control increased the likelihood of victims being killed or seriously injured.

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