What may seem like an innocent gesture may be the beginning of a plot to prepare a child for sex, according to the child abuse royal commission.

But how do you know? Schools, youth groups, and other organisations caring for children are being asked to be alert to grooming, but how can they step in before it's too late?

The question is even more pertinent  in Victoria, with new laws making grooming a criminal offence and the Victorian Government releasing new guidelines teaching children to watch out for grooming.

A paper released by the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse on Tuesday has tried to define it.

But the document includes a key caveat: despite emerging research into the issue, grooming remains "difficult to identify and define".

What is grooming?

The commission defines grooming as: "The use of a variety of manipulative and controlling techniques with a vulnerable subject ... in order to establish trust or normalise sexually harmful behaviour."

Grooming can happen in a range of settings – schools, churches or the homes of family friends.

Vulnerable children are often targeted, but adults can also be groomed by perpetrators trying to access a child's life.

Grooming can appear non-sexual and it can occur while the perpetrator is engaging in an "otherwise normal relationship with a child" at the same time.

A "key difficulty" in identifying grooming, the commission states, is that the process is incremental and it consists of "many discrete acts", which, on their own, may not be criminal or abusive.

The grooming behaviour does not have to be sexual in nature. And the abuse, or the assault, does not have to have taken place.

The act can be distinguished only by the perpetrator's motivation to prepare a child for sex.

How do you recognise a person's 'motivation'?

You watch out for warning signs.

A potential paedophile might start by making the child feel "special" or "privileged".

This can involve targeting children using games or toys, so if an adult takes an interest in playing with toys in a manner that appears to "exceed his or her caregiving role", alarm bells should be ringing.

Other warning signs include an adult explicitly asking a child to keep a relationship secret.

Testing personal boundaries such as encouraging inappropriate physical contact, is another indicator.

Often, grooming follows three stages: gaining access to the victim, initiating and maintaining abuse, and then concealing the abuse.

The incremental acts of grooming usually increase in intensity.

When the grooming is most overt, a perpetrator would be exposing a child to alcohol, drugs or pornography.

However, in some cases, the commission states grooming is "only discernible after the abuse has been identified … because the perpetrator's intent or motivation is not immediately visible."

How do perpetrators operate?

Perpetrators are diverse in their motivations and behaviours, but can broadly fit into three types of people who groom. However, it is possible that they may shift from one type to another over time.

• Predatory perpetrators are more likely to have a diagnosis of paedophilia so, the commission says, they are "persistently and exclusively sexually attracted to children." They manipulate environments to abuse children, perpetrate the abuse over time and in multiple settings. They are more likely to be give children special treatment, including gifts and enticements. After they are caught, these perpetrators may claim that the child initiated contact with them made up false stories.
• Opportunistic perpetrators engage in criminal behaviour outside of abusing children and are less likely to by fixated on sexually abusing children. They do not prefer children to adults, but use children for their own sexual interests. "If grooming does occur, it is likely to be prompted by the vulnerability of a child, lack of supervision," the commission finds.
• Situational perpetrators do not have a preference for children, but may abuse a child due to a sense of inadequacy, poor coping skills, or the absence of an adult relationship. They are generally law-abiding. "A perpetrator may see a child's playfulness, openness, timidness, physicality, nakedness or delinquency as a prompt or opportunity to abuse"

How is grooming overlooked?

Grooming can be overlooked if the perpetrator is popular.

Confirmation bias means that colleagues may ignore warning signs if a perpetrator has made a positive impression.

This is a deliberate effort on the part of the perpetrator.

"By building an initially trusting relationship with colleagues, the perpetrator was able to behave in a way that appeared outwardly appropriate," the commission finds.

Perpetrators can also groom institutions. They pursue professions that enable them to target and sexually abuse children.

These perpetrators manipulate systems to gain a position of trust, which positions them as an "insider".

It is easier for perpetrators to do this when the environment is secretive or closed, or if allegations of abuse are discouraged due to the risk of criticism of management or the institution's reputation.

The commission finds that an organisation's culture can stamp out grooming by introducing robust supervision policies, screening techniques and an accessible avenue for people to report breaches.

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