It’s a topic no one likes to talk about. But with one in three girls and one in six boys likely to be sexually abused before the age of 18, according to the Australian Institute of Criminology, it’s a subject nobody can ignore.
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Allambee Counselling manager and psychologist, Nicci Lambert, knows better than most the devastating effect sexual abuse can have on children.
She is there to help pick up the pieces in the aftermath of horrors most of us dare not imagine.
She counsels young victims through their darkest hours.
And she knows child sexual abuse is more prevalent than people would like to think.
“Figures from the Department for Child Protection and Family Support’s 2013-2014 Annual Report indicate that there were 652 cases of child sexual abuse substantiated by the Department in WA, with a further 656 still being investigated at the time of the report,” Ms Lambert said.
“The true prevalence, sadly, is likely to be far greater as it is an issue that is under-reported.”
With three dedicated children’s counsellors based at Allambee in Mandurah, Ms Lambert said her team dealt with traumatic experiences on an ongoing basis, but that child sexual abuse was “everybody’s business”.
“It’s important for parents to recognise that teaching their children about stranger danger is not enough,” she said.
“Many perpetrators are well known to children and can be family members.
“Children and parents need to be educated on protective behaviours so they can develop skills and strategies to help prevent and reduce child abuse and violence in our community.”
To that end, Ms Lambert said it was imperative that children knew the following nine things:
- That everyone has the right to feel safe,
- How they know they are not feeling safe – their body’s early warning signs,
- What to do if they are feeling unsafe – say NO and go and tell someone,
- That they can talk about something with someone, no matter what it is.
- That they have a supportive network of appropriate adults they can tell or ask for help,
- That they should keep on telling someone until they get help,
- Safe secrets and unsafe secrets and what they should do id someone asks them to keep an unsafe secret,
- The correct anatomical names for body parts,
- Safe and unsafe touching.
Ms Lambert said the most valuable thing parents and care-givers could do was to “listen to our children”.
“If a child tells you they have been abused it is important that you believe them and reassure them that telling you was the right thing to do,” she said.
“This job breaks your heart.
“But it’s important to know we’re making a difference and doing something to help these children heal.
If you, or someone you know, needs help call Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.
What if my child has been sexually abused?
- Believe what your child says and listen calmly. Showing your distress may frighten them.
- Reassure your child it is not their fault and they are not in trouble.
- Tell them how proud you are they told you.
- Reassure them that you love them.
- Let them know they are safe now and you will deal with it all and the abuse won’t happen again.
- Don’t push for details of the abuse if your child isn’t ready tot ell you. Give them time.
- If the abuser is a close family member, family life will be disrupted. Try to keep normal routines going if possible.
- Even though you may feel very anxious about your child’s safety, try to maintain their usual activities.
- Think carefully about who to tell about your child’s abuse and when, and talk to your child about this. Other people knowing can make the situation more distressing. Explain the difference between privacy and secrecy to avoid your child feeling ashamed.
- Get help and support for yourself. You may feel betrayed, angry, or failing as a parent. You need support from friends and family and often need professional counselling advice to keep going. Remember, child sexual abuse if rarely the parent’s fault. Abusers are clever manipulators of parents as well as children. (Source: NAPCAN napcan.org.au)
