It was just one of the revelations made by the defrocked Catholic priest during his appearance via videolink at the Ballarat hearings of the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sex Abuse — his first appearance in public since 1994.

Dressed in a green prison-issue jumper and using a walking frame, the 81-year-old recalled his send-off from Mortlake as a happy occasion. 

But there was much he didn’t recall, including why he left the Mortlake parish — saying he couldn’t remember if he “had put in for a change” or had been told to move on. 

He also couldn’t recall if nuns from St Colman’s Primary School or members of the diocese hierarchy had confronted him about his offending, but admitted if he was approached he would have lied.

The commission was told former bishop of Ballarat Ronald Mulkearns had told investigators there were specific complaints about “inappropriate behaviour” at Mortlake from various people in the town, including a doctor, and after Ridsdale was removed he was again sent for counselling. Ridsdale appeared feeble during his appearances and said he couldn’t remember his offending, the circumstances surrounding his appointments to various parishes or his meetings with the former bishop or investigators. 

He also couldn’t recall having “much to do” with Cardinal George Pell and said it was his barrister’s idea to have Pell, then a bishop, appear alongside him in court in 1993. 

Ridsdale said he was in constant fear of being reported and fearful he would lose his priesthood following a warning from Bishop James O’Connell in 1961 that “if it happened again he would send him off the mission”. 

“That would have been devastating. I would have lost faith in myself,” Ridsdale said. 

When asked if at the time of his offending he considered the hurt he was doing to children, Ridsdale responded: “I’m not sure, I don’t know, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

He said later he now realises he hurt his victims and admitted he may have threatened them in order to keep them quiet — but again said he couldn’t remember exactly. 

“I know now it was wrong. Wrong legally and morally.” 

Ridsdale said he never had any restrictions placed on him as a parish priest, despite believing he would have told Bishop Mulkearns about his offending in 1975 after complaints while he was based in Inglewood. 

Ridsdale said he has had a lifelong need for “closeness” and revealed he has only had one adult relationship, with a fellow prisoner, that lasted three years. 

He said he never told anyone about his offending and most certainly did not speak about it during confessions. He told the royal commission that crimes reported in confession should be reported to police. 

“Well, from my experience and what I’ve done, and the damage that I’ve done, I’d say yes, definitely,” he said.