The Dr & The Colonel 2010 Clip Show

This week we present that great tradition, handed down by generations of lazy sit-com writers - the clip show.

Here are some of The Doctor and The Colonel's zanier moments from the past year.

"Every time I behold this majestic panorama, I immediately think, ‘gee, I’d buy a stubbie holder with that on it’."

- The Colonel on London Bridge

"We've got to do something about people poaching our abalone... don't they know they only way to cook abalone is on the barbecue?"

- The Colonel on abalone poachers

"If I ever meet this clown in the street, I'm gonna put my carbon footprint right up his arse. Let's see how sustainable he thinks that is."

- The Colonel on Captain Sustain The Bool

"Apparently the people of the south-west want their superheroes to be environmentally friendly and dump toxic waste in Lake Pertobe less often."

- The Colonel on Captain Sustain The Bool again

"And why the hell would you move it to Flagstaff Hill? That place has all the party atmosphere of a maritime museum."

- The Colonel on moving Wunta from Liebig Street

"Now where are new local bands going to play their first heartfelt death metal epics or deal with drunken ignorant hecklers or run along the bar and pour beers mid-AC/DC-esque guitar solo?"

- The Colonel on The Cri burning down

"The way I understand it, it's going to suck the waves right out of the ocean, leaving it as flat as Whitney Houston's voice."

- The Colonel on wave energy

"If you're going to be a racist in this country and hate people with funny surnames, you better not be eating pizza or noodles or curry or kebabs or beef stroganoff or kiwifruit or slurping down a nice cold bowl of Ukranian borscht."

- The Colonel on racism

"Nine million dollars would go a long way towards my plans to build the biggest statue of Jonathon Brown in the southern hemisphere. It will be like Graceland for footyheads."

- The Colonel

"There's gonna be more punches than a slacker's time card, more hooks than a fisherman's tacklebox, more jabs than a diabetics convention, more KO's than a kookaburra in Kokomo, more low-blows than a groin-kicking competition."

- The Colonel on the city council in-fighting

"I think the people of Warrnambool would prefer the city's troubles were solved with the least amount of violence and live sharks."

- The Doctor on the city council in-fighting again

"Cigarettes give you cancer. Asbestos — cancer. Mobile phones — cancer. The sun — cancer. Microwaved food — cancer. Watching TV —cancer. Red wine — cancer. Eating vegetables — cancer. Puppies — cancer. Being born between June 22 and July 23 — cancer. I could make a list as long as my arm of things that give you cancer ... but it would probably give me cancer.”

- The Colonel on cancer

"Holy crap, it's a velociraptor that's gonna go Jurassic Park on my arse and rip out my innards. Or possibly go Jurassic Park on my innards and rip out my arse."

- The Colonel on brolgas

"Lapping can really take you places - often they're the same places, repeatedly - again and again - but they're, you know, places."

- K-Dog, King of the Lappers

"Currently Warrnambool is missing out on the lucrative fishing dollar because anglers are bypassing here and heading to Port Fairy and Portland in record numbers to catch tuna that are as big as Paul Salmon... or possibly two Jonathon Browns taped together."

- The Colonel on fishing

"Welcome to the HMAS Mitch The Friendly Butcher. I wanted to name my new boat after a local icon. Plus, I thought people might like that random local pop-culture reference."

- The Colonel

"We have to take the bull by the horns here, otherwise it won't be safe to walk down the street wearing red. We have to shut the gate before the cow bolts. We have to keep ahead of the herd. We have to think of as many cow-related analogies as possible."

- The Colonel on escaped steers roaming the streets

"I know that if voting actually changed anything it would probably be made illegal, but if you don't use it, you lose it."

- The Doctor on democracy

"If there's one thing people like more than politics, it's movies. That, and sport. And moccasins. And curtains. And foot cramps. And doing their tax. And investment bankers. And bouts of dysentery. And cute little puppies with bows on them. Politics is way down the list."

- The Colonel

"This is more than just your usual winter weather walloping. It's gonna be like that Kevin Costner movie where everything is underwater and we have to drink our own urine... I think it was called Field Of Dreams."

- The Colonel on this year's floods

"The Australian people should have voted for Julia Gillard, if only to make up for all the shit we've been giving redheads over the years."

- overheard at The Doctor & The Colonel's election party

"I'd never vote for Tony Abbott but his daughters would do well on my poll."

- overheard at The Doctor & The Colonel's election party

"Congratulations boys on 150 games. I've known The Colonel since he kicked four goals on me in junior football. Then I got drafted and he got fat. Who's laughing now, bitch?"

- Jonathon Brown on The Doctor & The Colonel

"I'd have more room if I folded myself into the size of a suitcase and got you to cram me into an overhead compartment.""

- The Doctor on the local train service

"I'd rather stand here and piss my pants than use those toilets. It smells like the Indian Commonwealth Games Village in there."

- The Doctor on the trains again

"Why should I have to pay for a publicity stunt for the Christian church when I believe in dinosaurs?"

- The Colonel on the silver ball cross

"Well, I'm not 100 per cent on how the process works, but it's my understanding that canonisation involves shooting the saint-to-be's ashes and left-over personal effects smack-bang into heaven via a 60-foot-tall cannon. Which I am building. At Cannon Hill."

- The Colonel on the canonisation of Mary MacKillop

"Who cares about elections? We've already had one this year and that dragged on for four months."

- The Colonel on the state election