The psychology of gift-giving

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Toy shops stock up for Christmas, chocolatiers prepare for Easter like it's the end times and Jewellery wholesalers in Australia are well aware of rushes during Valentine's Day. Several major holidays in our culture are celebrated through the exchange of gifts, but what actually is a gift?

Looking through the catalogues at Christmastime tells us that it's something that someone either needs or wants, that usually costs money and comes wrapped in pretty paper, but is that it? It can't be, because there are people all over the world that can't afford stuff out of the catalogue yet still manage to give beautiful presents to their loved ones.

The truth is that a gift can be an object, it can be money, and it can be a craft. But it can also be an event, it can be the freedom to do whatever the recipient wants on the day, it can be a donation in the recipient's name, or a day of pampering and attention; and according to studies on what happens mentally when a gift is given or received, a gift can also be a way of seeking a connection with those around us.

People generally associate gift-giving with happiness. Of course, receiving a present is always nice, but people rarely acknowledge that it often feels fulfilling to give presents too. There is joy in seeing someone light up because of some effort you went to so that their day could be better, or so that they'd have something nice on a special day, or even just because you felt like giving that person a present for some reason.

There is a simple reason for this happiness double-whammy, and that is dopamine. You see the brain produces several chemicals which are taken up by special little structures in the brain called neuroreceptors. When we do certain things, the brain releases special chemicals, which are caught by the neuroreceptors, that then signal the synapses to fire in the brain and cause the appropriate physical/emotional reaction(s). Several chemicals cause the sensation of happiness, but there is one in particular that is released when we give and receive gifts.

Dopamine is a chemical that causes feelings of happiness and accomplishment whenever we meet a goal. Do you know that sense of relief you get when you complete a difficult task? Or how when you're completing a puzzle when it's over you just feel satisfied and happy? That's because of dopamine. It's the chemical that acts as our body's natural reward system, designed to keep us doing things that enrich our lives.

Dopamine is also released when we - you guessed it - give and receive gifts. This suggests that gift-giving is more than a mere obligation, it's a method of demonstrating belonging within a certain community. It's a signal of affection, of effort expended, and connection with another person reached. A gift is a bond, one that the evolutionary dance of nature has dictated denotes a shared intercommunal joy. An experience of happiness, love, connection, and accomplishment.

With gifts being such important signifiers of connection and closeness there is often pressure to give the "right" gift. In many social circles, gift-giving is not merely fulfilling an obligation, but it's a sign of how the giver thinks of the receiver. We've all got a gift-receiving horror story, where we've pulled off the wrapping, slapped on a smile, and said "thank you" even though we may loathe what we've gotten. This usually stems from one major concern, the present doesn't reflect any knowledge or care for the receiver.

If a gift is a social attempt at connection or signal of affection, then giving a "bad" gift is tantamount to saying "you're not worth the effort" or "I got this because it was cheap, not because I care." Studies show that there are two types of gifts, recipient-centric and giver-centric. Recipient-centric gifts reflect the interests and attitudes of the receiver and are shown by studies to produce the most immediate feelings of happiness or contentment in the receiver. However, a giver-centric gift centres around the interests of the giver, and according to research promotes more feelings of connection over recipient-centric gifts.

Essentially, recipient-centric gifts seem to say "I know that you're interested in this because I've paid attention to you because you mean a lot to me", while giver-centric gifts say "this is something I'm interested in that I think you would like as well and want to bond with you over this mutual thing."

Some people have a lot of trouble finding presents for the people in their lives. It's not necessarily because they don't care, some people just find gift-giving occasions really overwhelming and difficult to know what to give. They can also be overwhelmed by the sheer selection of things available in the current market.

However, gift-giving doesn't need to be difficult. There are multiple guides online for buying good presents, but even then, it seems the most effective strategy is to simply ask. Asking what people want as gifts not only takes out a lot of the stress for the giver, but it guarantees the recipient gets something they actually want. Although some people may consider this a form of gift giving lacks sentiment, research shows that people respond well to receiving presents that they've asked for.

At the end of the day, a gift is something that establishes a bid for connection. Although they can sometimes be given as an obligation, for most people the act of giving and receiving a present is deeply sentimental and can carry a lot of weight in a relationship. When giving your gift, even a "bad" or "failed" present can mean a lot if a lot of effort has gone into it. However, the best policy for giving gifts is the age-old adage: "It's the thought that counts."