Mother who lost her daughter in 2015 slams the state government for failing to provide an exemption for Cooper Onyett's grieving family

Virginia Rea's daughter was just 11 when she passed away in 2015.

Ms Rea said she was heartbroken Cooper Onyett's family was not given an exemption to have more than 10 people at the eight-year-old's funeral on Friday.

Cooper drowned while on a school camp in Port Fairy.

"The additional emotional pain you have caused Cooper's family, friends and community in Warrnambool is inexcusable and disgraceful," Ms Rea wrote in an open letter to Acting Premier James and the state government.

She said funerals allowed people to grieve together and support each other during a time where the pain is so excruciating you actually think you will also break down and die.

"A funeral starts the process that will form the rest of your life; a process that guides you how to place one foot in front of the other, one step at a time," she said.

"It demonstrates that you are not alone in your grief and that a community is also grieving with you."

Ms Rea said Cooper's family had missed out on so much.

"Hundreds of people would sign their names and leave messages of support in a Remembrance Book that Cooper's Mum would have been able to treasure for the rest of her life," she said.

"People would have taken home with them a copy of the service booklet as a thank you for their support.

"Perhaps even a little memorial photo with some special words printed on it would have been handed out at the end. His friends would be able to keep that beside their bed and look at Cooper every night.

"The outpouring of grief would be immense. Every single person would have cried.

"The flood of tears from a supportive community. Support for a heartbroken family.

Ms Rea said a funeral at a later date would not be the same.

Mr Merlino said on Sunday it was a decision made by a team within the state government's public health unit.

"There's a team within public health that look at possible exemptions," he said.

"They are rightly and appropriately not decisions that ministers make (and not) that myself as Acting Premier would make," Mr Merlino said.

An Open Letter to Acting Premier, Minister Merlino, and the Victorian Government

Dear Acting Premier,

From your recent decision to not allow a funeral for Cooper Onyett to go ahead in Warrnambool I can only assume you have never lost a child? Have you even attended a funeral of a child?

The additional emotional pain you have caused Cooper's family, friends and community in Warrnambool is inexcusable and disgraceful. Funerals allow people to grieve together and support each other during a time where the pain is so excruciating you actually think you will also break down and die. A funeral starts the process that will form the rest of your life; a process that guides you how to place one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. It demonstrates that you are not alone in your grief and that a community is also grieving with you.

Let me explain to you what it is you have ripped away from Cooper's family, friends and community.

Cooper would have had a beautiful funeral, bursting at the seams with loving friends and family. Local community groups would have met earlier and arrived together as one. Sporting clubs would be dressed in their club colours. His school would have definitely played an important part helping the hurt that his classmates would be struggling to comprehend. There would have been music playing; some of Cooper's favourite songs for sure. His favourite toys would have been on display. His friends may have even brought along a special memory to place near his small coffin. Photos and videos of him would be shown. Some cheeky ones would have invoked a giggle or two through the tears of so many people who would have come to show their support and love. His friends and school mates would write their thoughts into poems and bring them along. Maybe one may have been recited out loud. Others would draw pictures and bring them also. Perhaps people would have worn a splash of his favourite colour? Stories would be recounted, and memories relived. People would be amazed at how much an 8-year old's short life could give. Hundreds of people would sign their names and leave messages of support in a Remembrance Book that Cooper's Mum would have been able to treasure for the rest of her life. People would have taken home with them a copy of the service booklet as a thank you for their support. Perhaps even a little memorial photo with some special words printed on it would have been handed out at the end. His friends would be able to keep that beside their bed and look at Cooper every night. The outpouring of grief would be immense. Every single person would have cried. The flood of tears from a supportive community. Support for a heartbroken family.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, let me tell you, that village swells when it needs to grieve a child.

Funerals are timely. They are not the same being held at a later date down the track when our calendars are free, when the weather is warmer or when a government thinks the time is better suited. Funerals form part of our horrific and unbearable grief. They are a therapeutic, supportive, sad, but also beautiful, process that holds a family in its collective embrace. Never more importantly than for a family that has had their child ripped out of their hearts so tragically. You have denied Cooper's family the comforting ritual they so desperately need now! Not later.

Minister Merlino, I know firsthand the support the Warrnambool Community would have given Cooper's family. Six years ago, I and my two sons said goodbye to our daughter and sister. In Warrnambool.

The support and collective embrace we received that day remains with us and will forever. I cannot imagine how I would have been able to function at all had it not been for the process of a funeral. To think that a mother from our community has been denied the same support that literally carried me through raw grief is upsetting and heartbreaking.

See for yourself exactly what your decision has not allowed Cooper's heartbroken friends, family and the Warrnambool Community to have https://pipparea.com/2015/04/03/farewell-to-our-beautiful-pippa/

Mr Merlino, you and Professor Sutton have both said your decision was the most difficult decision. I have signed an advanced care plan with a do not resuscitate order for my daughter. I have planned a funeral for my daughter. I am well versed in difficult decisions.

To allow a funeral in a community 260kms away from any active COVID cases is not a difficult decision. Virginia Rea

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