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Stop yawning. You think this is boring? Welcoming the newly crowned leader of an institution once widely admired and revered throughout the Commonwealth and the world is historic stuff. Please. Try and show some interest.
You've obviously forgotten how loyal we used to be to this institution before it did so much to trash its own reputation. There was a time when we believed it was our patriotic duty to support its globe-conquering ambitions. We loved how it was steeped in tradition and represented all of us, not just the wealthy and powerful.
How quickly the mystique faded. How cynical we became after learning it was just another institution catering to the privileged and the elite.
But enough about Qantas and the task faced by Vanessa Hudson, who this week was revealed as the airline's new CEO to replace Alan Joyce.
Another institution that once commanded enormous public respect will also officially welcome a new leader this weekend when a solid gold crown adorned with 444 exotic stones - sapphires, amethysts, rubies and other rare gems - is carefully placed on the balding head of 74-year-old King Charles.
But if Charles and his advisers hoped his coronation in London offered an opportunity to renew public faith in the Royal Family and restore some of its besmirched reputation, they were sadly mistaken. The dwindling faithful will still sing along lustily to God Save the King. But the kingdom he now reigns over long ago vanished into a sea of apathy and indifference.
It could have been so different. Charles had an historic chance to stage a remarkable reversal in fortunes for the Royals this weekend. The coronation could have - and should have - been a humbler affair stripped of much of the traditional Royal pageantry.
Imagine a monarch dispensing with all those ceremonial robes and jewels and foregoing the ride in a solid gold coach drawn by eight Windsor Grey horses. No one's suggesting he catch an Uber to Westminster Abbey. But unexpected displays of humility and modesty have a remarkable ability to win over the most hardened of hearts.
Instead we will be treated to yet another bloated ritual estimated to cost more than $200 million from the public purse.
That's an extraordinary sum. Complaining about the wealth of the Royals is standard fare. But it's also fully justified. A recent collaboration by The Guardian with a dozen property, art, jewellery and vehicle valuation experts estimated Charles' private wealth at more than $1.8 billion. When Queen Elizabeth's personal fortune passed to her son after her death last year, a deal struck with the Tory government 30 years earlier meant that, unlike most Britons, Charles did not have to pay a cent in inheritance tax.
If you needed further proof the Windsors are out of touch and suffering from a congenitally-inherited tin ear, consider the "Homage of the People" which will ask millions across the Commonwealth to pledge an oath declaring their loyalty to the new king.
Apparently we're supposed to put down our glasses of shandy and cucumber sandwiches on Saturday night to dutifully utter the words into our TV sets: "I swear that I will pay true allegiance to Your Majesty, and to your heirs and successors according to law - so help me God."
You can't make this stuff up. Well, you don't have to when it comes to the Windsors and their endless series of trashy soap operas and internal bickering. That's the problem with the Royals and their endless array of in-laws and cousins still suckling from the public teat. They're just so damn common.
There's Andrew, of course, the dodgy, self-entitled brother still scratching his head over why the world got into such a lather over allegations he raped a 17-year-old sex trafficking victim provided to him by his good friend and registered sex offender, the now-departed Jeffrey Epstein.
There's Harry, the embittered son who fled England with a mountainous chip on his shoulder and who shows no sign of ending his increasingly futile guerrilla war against his family.
And there's also William who...umm...err...well, your guess is as good as mine as to what he stands for because no one has heard him say anything in years.
The Royals used to make many of us angry. But like our national airline and the contempt it has shown to its customers in recent years, our bitterness has matured into apathy.
The coronation of a new leader traditionally involves plenty of bowing and scraping. This weekend it will be met with an indifferent shrug. Resume yawning.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Will you watch the Coronation of King Charles? Do you believe he can salvage the reputation of the Royals? And do you support the monarchy or think another debate about Australia becoming a republic is long overdue? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- The Commonwealth Bank will cut 197 jobs in NSW as part of 224 redundancies across Australia, according to the Finance Sector Union. This is despite announcing a $5.15 billion profit in the last half of 2022. The union's national secretary, Julia Angrisano, said the major banks expect even greater profits during the six months leading to June 1 and should have maintained staff numbers.
- Paracetamol packet sizes will be reduced after paracetamol was found to be the most commonly used medicine in overdoses in young Australians. Each year in Australia around 225 people are hospitalised and 50 Australians die from paracetamol overdose. Rates of intentional overdose are highest among adolescents and young adults.
- Aged care workers can expect a 15 per cent pay rise from July 1, announced ahead of next week's federal budget, promised to be the largest wage increase for workers in the sector. The pay increase will benefit 250,000 workers including registered and enrolled nurses, nursing assistants, personal care workers, head chefs and cooks, recreational activities officers and home care workers.
THEY SAID IT: "I'd like to see a much more open Monarchy. I used to think they were completely useless and we should get rid of them. I don't necessarily feel that way anymore. I'm still ambivalent. I still loathe the British class system, and the Royal Family are the apex of the British class system." - Helen Mirren
YOU SAID IT: Once a gentle paradise, Bali has become a magnet for low-budget travellers, among them Russians whose poor behaviour angers locals and fellow travellers alike.
"We, too, used to love Bali," says Peter from Mt Isa. "But now it is overcrowded with tourists. Last time we were there in 2018, we ran into an obnoxious Kiwi; a rarity. We just returned from Vietnam, a beautiful and very friendly country, except for around Nha Trang. Truly abhorrent Russians and mainland Chinese seem to abound there. Both are extremely rude and bullish. Only ran into one Russian in Hanoi and he pushed his way through the hotel lobby with no concern whatsoever for others. I have also run into Russians and Chinese in Phuket and now they seem to be infiltrating the glorious Koh Samui. But you do encounter the odd obnoxious Aussie and Yank everywhere you go. Others are quite nice though. Especially Canadians."
Erik says: "We lived in Surabaya (East Java) from 2009 to 2016 and avoided Bali as much as possible because of the Australians whose behaviour was just so appalling. We did find the north coast and the north east a different kettle of fish, but anything around Denpasar was generally awful. Around the middle of our time, the Russians started coming to Bali and they, being very similar, provided another incentive to avoid that area. Travelling home through Bali was almost unavoidable so we had to put up with it on the flight home. We loved Indonesia and Indonesians but that was one of the downsides."
Roger says Aussies behaving badly are not confined to Bali: "Also on South Pacific cruises. My wife and I were ashamed to say we were Australian and said we were Kiwis because the behaviour of young male Australians was an embarrassment - a bad advertisement for Australia."
David says: "We were in Bali just a couple of months ago. It did not go to plan. My wife spent a week in hospital with a broken ankle from those fabulously dangerous footpaths. The hotels in Balangan area were full of Russians, and possibly Ukrainians. I know Ubud is also heavily populated by expats avoiding the war. To be fair, they were pretty well behaved. The bulk of the Russians I met were in Siloam hospital, having fallen off hired motorbikes while wearing shorts, no shoes and T-shirts, in the case of the women, bikinis. And, yes, Aussies are behaving better too."