Forgive me if I politely scoff at any suggestion I might be stupid enough to be a landlord again.
Renting out a property is the great roll of the dice.
You can enjoy the best of tenants and the worst, as well as the best of agents and the worst.
If you can be bothered with the paperwork, the tenancy laws, the repairs, the tenants who run down the bond and use rugs and coats, even hung wall prints to hide damage during inspections, then go for it.
If you can be bothered with house and landlord insurance, the court hearings, the lies, and most of all the imperative flowing thickly through the veins of many tenants, that ultimately this is not their property and they will treat it as such, then knock yourself out.
Yes I know, there's a rental crisis, with less than one per cent vacancy rate in Tasmania, while Airbnb is slowly killing the rental market in Hobart and Launceston.
Of the short-stay accommodation in Launceston more than two-thirds were previously long-term rentals. In Hobart almost 50 per cent were once rentals.
University campus-creep in both city CBDs will help strangle an already stretched rental market.
Of all occupied dwellings in Tasmania 26 per cent are rental, while there are almost 6000 Airbnb listings, so I get there's a problem, but it's not mine.
I live in hope that through our laudable Western values I am free to choose to or not to offer my property for rent or Airbnb.
I'm a God-fearing capitalist. The choice is mine.
I could never be a communist or even a socialist. I'm not into collectivism.
I'm all for scaling the snakes and ladders of the market place.
My wife and I once rented out our homes in Hobart when I landed work in Launceston.
We got to the bottom rung of the laissez-faire ladder and fell over.
We placed our faith in human nature for the sake of a quick buck and got burnt.
We chose the high-wire life of a landlord, but never again.
Here's why.
A sweet old lady won our hearts to become a tenant, but we later found out she actually lived in Sydney and used the sympathy cover to insert her thug of a son and his mates in the property instead.
She flew down from Sydney when we demanded an explanation.
When we confronted her at the property the thugs came from nowhere and she screamed at us to get off "her" property.
I offered my property to a seemingly warm hearted couple because they said they knew a close friend of mine but when I mentioned it to my friend she exclaimed that they were tenants from hell.
They trashed the place, made a profit from sub-letting and by the looks of things used the place to manufacture pot.
After insurance they cost us $20,000 in repairs.
A couple with a big family were actually good tenants for a while but their marriage failed.
She moved out and he stayed but stopped paying rent.
All he had was a sleeping bag, but we had to seek a court order to evict him.
He eventually moved out but sabotaged the place by leaving a plug in the laundry basin plus a fast dripping tap.
IN OTHER NEWS:
It required new carpets, new linoleum and new painting.
The agent found out the family was wanted by debt collectors in South Australia.
Another lovely, teetotal Christian chap with a nine-year-old daughter said he was an avid churchgoer, loving father and hated alcohol.
After a few months he stopped paying rent, saying he couldn't afford it.
He left behind an unholy mess.
We counted a dozen or so empty bottles of beer and vodka.
He also left behind an opened letter among rubbish strewn about the floor which showed how, through various programs, he was receiving $1400 a fortnight from Centrelink, plus child support payments from his ex-partner, and this was about 15 years ago.
So you see, the rental crisis is not our problem.
Of course it once was because we paid income tax.
Now we're retired and until things become desperate our property and sanity are not for sale, or rent.
Like I said, we've had the best of tenants and agents and the worst.
Some agents will avoid going to court except for the most serious of cases because courts cost money.
In one case I was confident of the court finding in our favour, but the court found in the tenant's favour because our agent offered no evidence.
In fact, the agent didn't even attend.
Call me Scrooge.
Call me heartless but we're tired of doing our bit to end the rental crisis.
Like I said, few people burden themselves with the passion to be house proud over a place that is not theirs.
- Barry Prismall is the former deputy editor of ACM's The Examiner and Liberal adviser.
