Social media has become ubiquitous in the lives of our youth and is often the first place they turn for answers. But with troubling content proliferating and constantly being churned onto young people's screens by the algorithm, it can lead to some tough conversations.
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Dr Rhiannon Mulcahy from the Macquarie Health Collective, in Dubbo in NSW's Central West, gives her expert advice on how parents can build a better relationship with their teenagers, break down taboos and talk about the tough topics.
1. Why might teenagers turn to apps like TikTok for answers?
Sometimes they don't know where they can go for help where they will feel heard, understood and not judged.
In part, it's a societal and cultural problem because we still make some things a taboo. It may be very difficult - or very awkward - for some children to go to an adult figure and ask questions about mental health, sexuality or relationships, and so they are more likely to turn to their peers or the internet to get information. If there isn't a culture in the family of it being okay to talk about these things they will turn to more private and anonymous means.
2. What impact can consuming problematic content online have on teenagers?
As the brain is growing and developing - which continues until the mid-twenties - what we see lays down our template for relationships throughout our life. So much of what young people see about sexual relationships on the internet shows women being subjugated and without personality - that's extremely damaging to both men and women. It makes them think that's what adult relationships look like.
3. How can parents break down some of those taboos around mental health?
It comes down to early conversations and role modelling from parents and teachers about mental health and - to use the cliche - that it's okay to not be okay. There is not a single human being in life that gets through this life without suffering. And we certainly know that one of the groups that is doing most poorly through the pandemic and as we come out of it are teenagers and young adults.
The younger we start talking to our kids about their feelings the better outcomes we will get as they grow and develop. That means having a rich variety of words to describe our feelings.
4. If parents are concerned about what their teenagers are watching, how can they start that conversation?
Sexism, racism, pornography and consent - all of these issues are intertwined. And all of them are hard conversations to have.
Parenting centred on control and coercion will backfire at this age. Really what you need to aim for is influence through connection - you have to be able to build a relationship so you have conversation.
You have to be curious, calm, compassionate and aim for connection and cooperation. If you want to talk about tough topics you need to do a lot more listening and a lot less lecturing. If you go in with a lecture, or more coercive and controlling methods like taking their devices off them, what they will do is rebel and withdraw and will drive that behaviour underground.
5. How early is too early for parents to start having these conversations about respecting women with their kids?
There needs to be a culture within a family - starting from even the youngest age - about being curious about what's going on in their world and the roles that women and men play, and what is or isn't okay in regards to consent and respect.
You can use opportunities that arise around them every day, for example looking at advertisements and children's cartoons. If there's a woman being portrayed in a particularly sexualised way asking, 'what do you think about that?' or 'how do you think she feels?'.
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