I have picked up the charming habit of mixing English with a funky combination of other languages assuming that you, dear reader, obviously understand these references because I do. Apparently this is not the case, and rather that have the illustrious readers of The Standard website do their own Googling, kindly continue reading for explanation.

"Gaijin" is the Japanese word for foreigner. Actually, the literal translation is "alien" and the term is applied to all nationalities.

"Kanji" is one of the three Japanese alphabets (the others being hiragana and katakana) and easily the most complex. It is derived from Chinese characters, and there are between 50,000 and 100,000 different kanji in total.

"The Doctor and the Colonel" is a weekly column featured in The Standard newspaper. Check it out; HILARIOUS stuff. Comedic genius.

Look at that, we have all just learnt something, (Ha HA! Education by stealth; bet you never saw that one coming!).

I hope you paid attention; there is a test next week. Isn't this fun?

***

I WORK in a combined role here in Miura as a cultural exchange representative from Warrnambool (and I'm sure that those who know me would agree that I could culture the s*#t out of something given half the chance).

I also work as an assistant English language teacher. I work in the four junior high schools around Miura, teaching all three year levels (whose ages range from 11-12 to 15-16,) in a "team teaching" role, assisting the regular English teacher.

Given that I was never really one for team sports and my use of the English language is a touch liberal from the puritanical point of view, this is indeed an interesting part of my job.

I'm actually quite enjoying viewing English from the outsider's point of view, combined with learning a language that bears no resemblance to the romantic, indo-European languages I had previously been familiar with. As previously mentioned Japanese and English are somewhat different in pretty much every identifiable way (I'm looking at YOU kanji, hiragana and katakana,) and learning a new language is easier if there are rules and logic and so on; a formula that can be applied to make a language work.

English is really not interested in playing this game. In fact, dare I say it, English is a bit of a weirdo in the language world, what with its whacked out pronunciations, (i.e. "Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present"). And I am also of the opinion that English grammar rules were obviously designed by someone who had been woofing down the awesome sauce with abandon, and if you disagree, you have quite a nerve and should have a good long think about ye olde colon vs. semi colon debate.

A couple of weeks ago I was presented with a corker though.

The meaning of "the".

Kindly forward answers or definitions to the address listed below because I am still struggling to formulate a cogent answer (Author’s note : any entries submitted by persons using or claiming to understand the meaning of the words participle, prepositional, reflexive and the like will not be accepted. You are clearly a linguist; f#$k off. You are not welcome to play here.).

But seriously, how do you explain "the" to a 12-year-old approaching English as a second language? Here’s a tip – not like this…

The scene is a classroom in Kamihara Junior High, 2nd Year English; the teachers are Shibata sensei and Annabel sensei (that's me!). One of the brighter students, Hiromi, pipes up…

"Annabel sensei! What does 'the' mean??"

"Well, Hiromi, 'the' is a special word… it means… that… *cough*.... 'The' really doesn't require explanation or rules… because… because it's its own word, you know? Not living by society's rules… and…."

Hiromi looks at Annabel sensei like the idiot she is.

"Annabel sensei?"

"Yes, Hiromi?"

"English is a stupid language."

No, Hiromi, I'm a stupid language, but in my defense English is not the easiest thing to explain. Hiromi passes with flying colours and was kind enough to volunteer to look into the meaning of "the" for me… after I set that as his homework.