EVERY year about this time the old war cry "there's no I in team'' gets trotted out more times than Matthew Lloyd throws grass in the air.
For anyone who passed a grade one spielling test, it is obvious there is no letter i in team.
If there was, it would be tieme (no such word) or time.
If the saying is true, and as we have already established team is not spelt with an i, why do team sports reward individuals?
Why do football and netball leagues go to such a fuss to hold best and fairest counts, which reward an I or a me in the team?
Inevitably the winner of such an award will trot out another well-worn (read tired) comment: "I would happily swap it for a premiership medal, that's what we all play for, that's the ultimate.''
To me, that means stop wasting everyone's time and money and scrap the awards.
I'm sure the players would much prefer to share their night or day with their whole team and not just a table of 10, because, after all, they play a TEAM sport.
I'm sure, too, that a bunch of booze-craving footballers would much prefer to sit around and sink a few VBs wearing jeans and muscle T-shirts so their mates and the netballers could ogle their tatt-decorated biceps, rather than wearing ill-fitting suits and ties they have borrowed from Dad and had to get help from a neighbour to do up.
And, heaven forbid, scraping the best and fairest awards would ease the huge pressure and stress the casting of votes adds to umpires.
Surely it's bad enough the whistleblowers cop a lot of flak for their temporary blindness each Saturday afternoon.
Give them a break, well, at least on the league's night of nights when they are supposed to drink water and put up with all the snide comments about how they robbed this team and that team.
The last thing they need is another public humiliation when it emerges their foggy glasses had in fact been fitted with the wrong prescription lenses.
Number 22 scored a runaway win when in fact the players wearing numbers 2 and 32 were expected to win.
Stop it!
I can hear you arguing, you can't not have the Brownlow Medal or the Esam Medal or the Maskell Medal, all named after such great people.
Can someone tell me why these people are even mentioned?
What did they do to deserve such indignation by having their name on a medal nobody wants?
"They were great players or administrators,'' I hear you howl.
Did they do it on their own? Boy, they must have been good then. Maybe the best?
The fairest thing to do is to ban these awards and their wannabe-glamour ceremonies before someone gets seriously hurt...emotionally.
If the rate of `reluctant' winners continues to grow, it won't be long until a class action is mounted against leagues as aggrieved winners seek compensation for the emotional hurt of being labelled an I - the equivalent of a war-time deserter.
So please, can someone be happy to claim a medal, delighted even.
Wouldn't it be refreshing to hear Leigh Montana, Chris Judd or Gary Ablett junior say: "You bloody ripper! I have dreamt of standing up here since I was six.
It's a dream come true. I always thought I could play a bit and this now confirms it.''
What's that your mumbling? "There's no I in team?''
Sorry, there is, so I never, ever want to hear that again.
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