This week, The Doctor returned to their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball to find The Colonel still sitting on the couch looking forelorn, unshaven and wearing a dressing gown - which is how he'd been for the past week.

"Okay," The Doctor said tentatively. "I've been enjoying the silence for the last few days, but enough is enough - what's happened to turn you into the master of moping?"

"I'm glad you asked, Doctor," The Colonel said, suddenly becoming animated. "I can't believe his Royal Highness Kevin Rudd didn't include us in his whirlwind tour of Warrnambool. I feel so hurt, empty and used. He never returns my calls, he never comes to any of our meetings, he never sends me a Christmas card. I handed out pamphlets of his propaganda during the last election. I've got all his albums. Every morning, I get up and take off my Australian flag boxer shorts and salute the Prime Minister. He's my hero. He's the only Australian to single-handedly defeat climate change, punch out John Howard, and help those blue aliens save Pandora."

"Kevin Rudd didn't do any of those things," The Doctor said. "And besides, he came down here for personal reasons. Not every minute of his life is about serving the country - even the PM needs his private time."

"Rubbish!" The Colonel said. "I dedicate every minute of my existence to being a superhero. If K-Rudd was elected Supreme Superhero of our nation, then he should do the same."

"Why would the PM come to see you?" The Doctor asked. "What possibly intelligent and important issues could you have raised with the leader of our nation?"

"Lots," The Colonel said. "I would have spoken to him about the lack of parking, moving Wunta back to Liebig Street, and what the hell we should do with old bridges."

"They're all things we can sort out on a local level," The Doctor said. "You need to act locally but think nationally."

"Okay," The Colonel said as he rose from the couch and began to pace the headquarters. "Thinking nationally, thinking nationally...." He stopped after a while and looked at The Doctor. "Nuh, I've got nothing. What about you, smart guy?"

"I would have raised my concerns about what the Federal Government is doing about climate change, refugees, internet censorship, Japanese whaling, and getting Peter Garrett to do something worthwhile by quitting politics and reforming Midnight Oil. And I would have asked him where was a good place to see strippers in New York."