This week, The Doctor is enjoying some quiet time in their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball by doing a jigsaw on the boardroom table.

The silence was shattered by The Colonel returning from an outing carrying a large sack.

"What is that smell?" The Doctor asked.

"That, Doctor, is the smell of the impending apocalypse."

"It smells like dead animals."

"Good guess, Doctor," The Colonel said, tipping the contents of the sack all over The Doctor's jigsaw.

"Colonel, what have I told you about bringing sacks of dead animals into the headquarters?"

"But this time it's different, Doctor," The Colonel said. "This time it could mean the end of the world. These dead birds might be a portent of humankind's ultimate destruction. I found millions of them lying on the beach, with the blood-red sea lapping at their decaying bodies. I don't know much about religion, but I'm pretty sure the ocean turning to blood and birds falling from the sky is a damn good sign of the apocalypse. However, just to be on the safe side, I think you should perform autopsies on these birds to check for signs of apocalyption."

The Doctor looked at the pile of stinking animal corpses on the table.

"That explains the dead shearwaters, but what's the deal with the emu?"

"Oh, I just hit that with the car on the way home," The Colonel said.

The Doctor frowned. "Firstly, Colonel, the sea hasn't turned to blood. That was algae."

"Apocalyptic algae?"

"No, just good old-fashioned regular algae. And secondly, it's been suggested these birds died from a lack of fish."

The Colonel scoffed. "Since when is there a lack of fish? I haven't heard of any fish and chip shops going out of business. McDonald's still have the Filet-O-Fish on the menu, and I have red herrings for breakfast every morning."

The Doctor shrugged. "Well then, maybe your time could be spent more effectively investigating this supposed lack of fish."

"Right you are, Doctor. I'll get right on that. And while I'm out, can you do something about these dead birds? They're starting to stink up the place."