This week, the dynamic duo were in their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball preparing for one of their irregular meetings on the issues affecting the region.

"Thank you for joining me, Doctor," The Colonel said. "If you could please rise for the national anthem...."

The Colonel stood up and pressed 'play' on a tape player, causing Pseudo Echo's Funky Town to begin blaring out an obscene volume. He placed a hand over his heart and closed his eyes as The Doctor looked on in bemused silence.

When the song finished, The Colonel sat down and opened a manilla folder. "Item number one: what happened to my chicken sandwich in the fridge?"

"You ate it," The Doctor replied.

"Ah, yes, that's right. Item number two: the condition of roads in the south-west."

"Well, they need to be fixed, because I'm pretty sure no one's going to build your hairbrained tube travel system."

"You're right, Doctor, and I suggest we get school children and the elderly on to repairing the roads as soon as possible. They're just sitting around all day doing nothing of value anyway. It's about time they gave back to society."

"Great idea," The Doctor said sarcastically. "Why don't we get them to build a cancer care centre while they're at it?"

"Excellent! I'll put that in my report to council. Item number three: the new public artwork in Warrnambool."

"What's the issue with the new public artwork?"

The Colonel looked at his notes. "Isn't it always an issue when someone does something culturally beneficial for Warrnambool?"

"Touche. But if we ignore the people who are whingeing about it maybe they'll just go away."

"Excellent!" The Colonel exclaimed, making a note. "Item number four: water restrictions. Where are we with that at the moment?"

"I think we're at level one - same as always. But that doesn't mean you're allowed to waste water by washing the Silver Ball twice a day."

"I don't know why we need water restrictions in Warrnambool anyway," The Colonel said. "If we run out, we can just drink the seawater. And that's what I've been using to wash the Silver Ball anyway, Mr Smarty Pants."

The Colonel consulted his notes again. "Item number five: netballers pulling a Hopoate."

"I'm not sure what we can do about that other than increasing the penalty for offending players," The Doctor said.

"I know, Doctor, but it seems like netballers are getting as bad as footballers. Maybe we need to bring in education seminars titled 'Where Not To Put Your Finger'."