WHEN The Doctor and The Colonel aren't secretly recording each other during their meetings, they're keeping an eye on Warrnambool, the south-west and, indeed, the whole of Australia.
This week, the dynamic duo hosted an Election Night Party in their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball.
Here's a selection of comments overheard at the party:
"A hung parliament? Wouldn't it be quicker to just take them all out the back and shoot them?"
"I preferred it when people feared the Reds, not the Greens."
"Is it just me or does Bob Katter look like a cowboy demon?"
"I wish Peter Costello was still in parliament so the Liberals could be led by Abbott and Costello."
"I voted for Mark Latham's Donkey Party."
"Judging by the election campaign, climate change doesn't affect Australia any more. Good thing we avoided that potential catastrophe."
"So if Julia Gillard wins, who does she play in the grand final?"
"Labor's in trouble - I better text in some more votes."
"I would have thought the Australian Sex Party would have attracted a lot of swinging voters."
"I always knew Australia was well hung."
"Can we switch back to the Channel 9 coverage so I can laugh at Barnaby Joyce some more?"
"I haven't seen this many swings since I was in kindergarten."
"The Australian people should have voted for Julia Gillard, if only to make up for all the shit we've been giving redheads over the years."
"Can anyone explain to me what the Australian Sex Party stands for?"
"If Labor wins, they should bring in legislation to ban Tony Abbott from wearing speedos."
"Can we crack this bottle of celebration champagne yet or do I have to keep drinking the cheap shit?"
"How does the Sex Party not win every election? Everyone loves sex!"
"Whatever happened to the Australian Marijuana Party? Did they just get too stoned and forget there was an election on?"
"So if it's a draw, do they meet at dawn with pistols?"
"We've been watching the election coverage for five hours and I still haven't seen them interview Allan 'Swampy' Marsh yet."
"I don't care who wins government, so long as they do something about Kyle Sandilands."
"I'd never vote for Tony Abbott but his daughters would do well on my poll."
"The best indicator of a great Australian leader is how many beers they can skol at the cricket."
"Apparently Tony Abbott only slept for one hour during the last three days of the campaign... I told you he was a robot."
"As an avid fan of pornography, I voted for the party that will give me the fastest broadband connection."
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