This week, The Doctor was sitting in their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball playing backgammon against himself when The Colonel returned, looking jubilant.

"Great news, Doctor," The Colonel said. "Warrnambool City Council is giving every ratepayer in Warrnambool free money. So start making your wishlist, Doctor - we're going shopping!"

"What makes you think the council is going to give us money?"

"Because it said so in the paper. And everything you read in the paper is 100 per cent accurate and error-free."

"Are you talking about the three dollar reduction in rates?"

"Three dollars? It's only three dollars?"

"Yes, Colonel. Did you actually read the story?"

"I started to... and then I figured they were all going to live happily ever after, so I stopped reading."

"Well, it's only a reduction of three dollars, so don't get too excited."

The Colonel thought for a moment. "Three dollars is still better than a swift kick in the bits. That could buy a quarter of a tank of petrol."

"No, it wouldn't."

"What about two cans of Mello Yello and a meat pie, with a few bob left over to play a couple of games of Space Invaders?"

"Nope."

"Well, three dollars would keep you entertained for days on the paddle boats at Lake Pertobe...."

"No, it wouldn't."

"Would it at least let me park in the CBD all day?"

"No."

"What about a coffee? Can I at least buy a coffee for three dollars?"

"No."

The Colonel thought for a moment. "Well, I could always go on a spending spree at The $2 Shop, right?"

"Surprisingly not."

"That's outrageous!" The Colonel exclaimed. "What's the point of only giving us three dollars back when you can't actually buy anything with three dollars? It's like giving a man with no head a bike helmet."

"It gets worse, Colonel," The Doctor said. "Council isn't giving everyone three dollars - they're just raising the rates by three dollars less than they had originally intended."

"Wait - they're still raising the rates?"

"That's right - but if people want infrastructure and opportunities and good things for Warrnambool, they have to pay rates."

The Colonel stroked his chin. "Good point, Doctor. I'm sure our councillors will be able to come up with effective ways of spending our hard-earned rates while they sit down for a nice dinner and drinks after another back-breaking council meeting."