This week, the dynamic duo left their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball to attend the May Racing Carnival. Here's how the day unfolded.

10.30am: The Doctor and The Colonel are stopped at the racecourse gate and refused entry because The Doctor has a flask of Stones Green Ginger Wine up his sleeve and The Colonel refuses to be parted with his crime-fighting axe.

10.45am: The Doctor and The Colonel enter the racecourse by sneaking in behind a woman's oversized fascinator.

11am: The Doctor and The Colonel enter the Civic Custodians marquee for the chicken and champagne breakfast.

11.15am: The Colonel is ejected from the marquee for repeatedly challenging Captain Sustain The Bool to a Sustain-Off and then stealing his cape.

11.30am: The Colonel re-enters the marquee disguised as a horse.

11.40am: The Colonel is ejected for riding a horse in the marquee.

11.45am: The Colonel re-enters the marquee dressed as a jockey, after convincing the security guards that he's Australia's only six-foot-tall jockey.

12pm: The Colonel is ejected from the marquee after throwing chicken at the editor of The Standard.

1pm: The Doctor is ejected from the marquee after drinking four magnums of champagne and throwing up on Denis Napthine.

1.30pm: The Colonel wins $5000 after accidentally backing a successful trifecta.

1.45pm: The Colonel bets $5000 on a drinking contest against a bunch of teenagers.

1.47pm: The Colonel asks The Doctor for $5000 to fund a re-match.

1.48pm: The Doctor says 'no'.

2pm: The Colonel is mistaken for a judge in the Fashions On The Field.

2.05pm: The Doctor is mistaken for a jockey and has to ride in the Grand Annual Steeplechase.

2.10pm: The Colonel begins judging the Fashions On The Field and immediately disqualifies any women that are dressed inappropriately for the weather conditions, wearing shoes that are too pointy, or who are spray-tanned a colour best described as 'borange'.