This week, the dynamic duo have left their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball to delve into one of Warrnambool's most enduring and mythical societies - lappers.

K-Dog, the King of the Lappers, has invited The Doctor and The Colonel to accompany him on one of his lap-cutting expeditions.

"I'm glad you guys could join me," K-Dog said, as they cruised down Liebig Street, his stereo pumping out more bottom end than a liposuction clinic. "I thought you guys might be able to tell the lappers' side of the story. We get a lot of bad press but I think we're just misunderstood."

"No worries, K-Dog," The Colonel said. "I've always been fascinated by Warrnambool's most pointless minority."

Even The Doctor seemed intrigued. "So how did you get to be King of the Lappers, K-Dog?"

"I was elected King by the members of the Driving In Circles Klan, thereby signifying that I am the King of D.I.C.K.. They handed me the sacred D.I.C.K. sceptre and then I got back in my car and kept on lapping."

The Colonel nodded thoughtfully while The Doctor just rolled his eyes. "I've heard that driving a hotted-up car in continuous circles makes you more attractive to the opposite sex," The Colonel said. "And not only that, it can actually improve your sexual prowess. Is that true?"

"Yes," K-Dog said. "Yes it is."

The Doctor rolled his eyes again. "So what is it that lappers actually do?"

"Mostly we just cruise around and try to pick up chicks," K-Dog said.

"You must pull a lot of chicks then," The Colonel said.

"There's no time for chicks when you cut as many laps as I do," K-Dog replied.

"It must be expensive," The Doctor said.

"I spend all my money on petrol but who needs to rent a house when you can sit in your car all day and all night?" K-Dog said. "I haven't slept in a bed in three years."

The Doctor frowned. "I'm still struggling to see the appeal of lapping," he said.

K-Dog flipped on his blinker and executed another 180 at a roundabout. "You know, there's just something very comforting about always turning right. And lapping can really take you places - often they're the same places, repeatedly - again and again - but they're, you know, places. And if it wasn't for lapping, I'd be out on the streets."