WHEN The Doctor and The Colonel aren't still waiting for a cheque in the mail from the region's councils, they're patrolling the south-west and ensuring it's a safe place to live.
This week, The Doctor left their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball and headed to the new Warrnambool skate park to meet The Colonel.
As The Doctor approached the array of concrete bowls, boxes, ramps and rails he noticed The Colonel, who stood out because he was skating around the park while wearing an old-school orange stackhat, elbow pads, shoulder pads, cricket pads and a pair of yellow floaties.
The Colonel skated up to The Doctor. "Hey grommet," The Colonel said. "You hangin' 10 or what?"
"Huh?" The Doctor replied. "What's with all the safety gear?"
"I'm testing out the gnarly-ness of the improved Warrnambool skate park. The floaties are in case I pull off a massive aerial and end up in Lady Bay."
"Where did you learn to skate?"
"I picked it up from playing Tony Hawk 2 on the Playstation and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons."
"That's great, but why did you ask me to come down here?"
"I need you to help me file my report on the park. I'm checking that it meets state safety requirements and national radness standards."
The Colonel stuck a finger in his mouth then held it up to gauge the wind direction. Before The Doctor could say anything, The Colonel took off at great speed back into bowl, wobbling wildly as he went. When he reached the other side of the bowl, The Colonel merely rolled up the opposite incline and began travelling backwards towards The Doctor, flapping his floaties crazily as he tried to retain balance. As he returned to his starting point, The Colonel lost control completely and his board went flying off into the air, leaving The Colonel to perform a couple of accidental backflips before landing awkwardly on his head at The Doctor's feet.
"What do you call that move?" The Doctor asked.
"Well, I was trying to do a reverse 180 kickflip off the funbox but obviously there are some serious structural issues with this park," The Colonel said as he got to his feet. "And if I can't skate this park, no one can. This facility is obviously completely unsafe and I'm going to recommend it be filled in with concrete. Also, it's a waste of ratepayers' money. And it's probably bad for the environment. And my knee hurts."
"You can't get rid of the skate park," The Doctor said. "The youth of Warrnambool need more things like this, not less. It's good exercise, it's gets them outdoors, and it's better than having a bunch of bored teenagers roaming the streets."
The Colonel thought for a moment. "Fine, whatever. Let's go find another Warrnambool landmark I can skate on to test its structural integrity. How's Wollaston Bridge looking these days?"
*The Doctor & The Colonel - only five blogs to go!
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