It's action stations this week in their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball.

The Colonel is particularly worked up about a major emergency going on in their home town.

"Get Bruce Willis on the phone, Doctor! Armageddon is here. We've got a Code Magenta Alert!''

"Has Ross Wilson pulled out of playing at the WEC?'' The Doctor asked.

The Colonel paused. "Actually he has but that's not the Code Magenta.'' He started getting worked up again and began to pace. "We've got a Level Five Crisis with Category Four Intensity. We're gonna need the FBI, ASIO, the CIA, the NSA, CSI - New York but not Miami - the RSPCA, the SAS, AA, CUB, and TMNT!''

"I'm pretty sure the last three acronyms you used there, Colonel, were Alcoholics Anonymous, Carlton United Breweries and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,'' The Doctor pointed out. "What the hell is going on?''

The Colonel wiped sweat from his brow. "It's serious, Doctor.'' He paused for dramatic effect and was shaking, either in fear or excitement. "There is a bottle... at the top... of a Norfolk Island pine,'' The Colonel said slowly, drawing out the tension.

"A bottle of what? Explosives? Nuclear waste? Anthrax?''

"Oh no, it's empty. It appears to be an alcopop bottle of some kind. I'm still waiting on results from forensics as to what type of alcopop.''

"Are you serious? This is like Pigwise all over again! Why is it big news whenever random shit gets put up our Norfolk pines?''

The Colonel was flabbergasted. "This is big news, Doctor. The potential for catastrophe is potentially catastrophic. It starts with one bottle up one Norfolk pine, and the next thing you know, every tree is covered in bottles, waiting precariously for one of our famous Warrnambool sou'westers to come along and send them plummeting down in a rain of deadly glass onto the poor unsuspecting skulls of some innocent babies. Think of the children, Doctor!'' The Colonel was shouting now. "We need to get to the bottom of this mystery fast or we're going to end up with blood on our hands.''