This week, The Doctor was sitting in their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball working on a charity song to raise money for Haiti when The Colonel barged in wearing a tie-dye T-shirt, sandals, and looking like he hadn't showered for weeks.

"Check out my new get-up, Doctor," The Colonel announced. "It's 100 per cent sustainable - I've been sustaining it for weeks."

"Yeah, it smells like it," The Doctor said.

"Everything I'm wearing is recycled or made from renewable natural fibres. Except for my sandals - I think they're partially made of dolphin. But my underwear is made of old mobile phones. And I've got a new outfit for you that's more sustainable - this hessian bag. I haven't cut a hole for your head yet, but I'm sure you'll make do."

The Doctor frowned. "Is this just a thinly veiled attempt to beat Warrnambool's new superhero Captain Sustain The Bool at his own game?"

"Yep," The Colonel said cheerfully. "I'm going to out-sustain Captain Sustain The Bool. I'm challenging him to a Sustain-Off. I'm going to sustain the hell out of him."

"Why?" The Doctor asked.

"Apparently the people of the south-west want their superheroes to be environmentally friendly and dump toxic waste in Lake Pertobe less often," The Colonel said.

"And how do you propose to do that... other than dress like a hippie?"

"Well, first, Doctor, I'm going to take myself to the hospital and have all the carbon surgically removed from my footprint."

"Uh-huh...."

"And then I'm going to introduce a series of directives that enhance my sustainability in the eyes of the public," The Colonel said as he began pacing triumphantly. "They include reducing the number of plastic bags used in supermarkets, introducing recycling bins in every home, creating a day for cleaning up Australia, inventing panels that harness the power of the sun, and farming wind."

"I think you'll find, Colonel, that all those things have been done already."

The Colonel appeared confused and stopped pacing. "Really?"

"Yes, Colonel," The Doctor replied. "You'll have to do better than that to beat Captain Sustain The Bool."

The Colonel began pacing again as he thought. "Hmmm... well, maybe we could combat global warming by getting everyone to open their fridge doors at the same time."