WHEN The Doctor and The Colonel aren't being a river to their people, they're protecting Warrnambool.This week, The Colonel was atop their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball, scanning the horizon in search of giant squids and hoping to see one wrestle a whale.Suddenly he heard voices coming up the side of the ball belonging to The Doctor and an unknown woman.``...and this is where we keep our kiddie pool on hot days,'' The Doctor said as he and an attractive blonde woman reached the top of the ball. He spotted The Colonel and stopped. ``Colonel! What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the RSL to have a drink with the diggers for the Queen's Birthday.''``What do you think you're doing?'' The Colonel glared.``Oh, we just went to see the Sex And The City movie. Colonel, I'd like you to meet....''``Ah ah ah,'' The Colonel said, cutting The Doctor off. He turned to the woman. ``I'm sorry attractive blonde woman, but this is a major security breach. Are you out of your mind, Doctor? You can't bring people back to our secret headquarters! That makes it kinda hard to keep the headquarters secret! Your lady friend will have to leave. And you'll have to lead her back down the Silver Ball blindfolded in case she sees any of our top secret plans.''``It's a bit late for that Colonel,'' The Doctor said. ``I've already shown her our closed-circuit TV system, our traffic-light control room and your Star Wars figurines.''The Colonel was fuming. ``I'd like to refer you to The Doctor and The Colonel Handbook, rule number 34 - no visitors to the secret headquarters. Which follow rule number 33 - do not show anyone The Colonel's Star Wars figurines.''The Doctor muttered something and led the attractive blonde woman down the Silver Ball. When he returned, The Colonel was looking over blueprints and architectural plans.``You've really done it this time, Doctor,'' The Colonel said without looking up. ``This security breach means I've had to pull out my Headquarters Relocation Contingency Plan.''``What?''``We have to move the Silver Ball. We've been compromised. Fortunately I've got a plan in place. We're going to move the Silver Ball to Cannon Hill and we'll get the city council to give us the land and some money for upgrades.''``I don't like your chances - the council won't even give money and land so the Muslims can build a mosque.''``Why not?''``Well, all the other churches had to pay their own way, so it's fair enough. It would be great for Warrnambool to have a mosque, but you can't just give away free stuff to religions, otherwise you'd end up with every Tom, Dick and Scientologist on our doorstep looking for a handout.''``But we're not a church. We're civic custodians.''The Doctor's brain suddenly caught up to something The Colonel had said. ``Wait a minute - how are we going to move the Silver Ball?''``Are you kidding? When Fletcher Jones built this thing, he fitted the legs with motors - we're gonna march this sucker to Cannon Hill.''