This week, The Doctor returned to their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball to find The Colonel sewing together a large pile of clothes.

"What are you doing?'' The Doctor asked.

"Making a hot air balloon of myself,'' The Colonel said without looking up from his needlework. "I'm going to fly it over Fun4Kids to raise awareness.''

"Awareness of what?''

"Awareness of me.''

The Doctor looked at the pile of clothes more closely. "Wait a minute - they're my clothes!''

"I know. I've been very busy. I've also relocated your room to the top of the silver ball.''

"Why the hell would you do that?''

"I needed to make room for a bunch of mad scientists who wanted to rent some space. You can't expect them to genetically engineer superfish on top of the silver ball. And besides, you'll love it up there - great ocean views, good air circulation, open-plan living....''

The Doctor was furious. "You've gone too far this time, Colonel. You've finally pushed me over the edge. I quit - I'm moving out.''

The Colonel was shocked. "But... but... you can't leave. Together we're a force of nature, a dynamic duo, an awesome foursome. You can't just throw all that away. And what about all the things I've done for you over the years?''

"What? Like the time you shot me?''

"That was an accident.''

"You shot me five times.''

"I thought you were a zombie.''

"What about that time you ran over me?''

"I thought you were a zombie again. But who drove you to the hospital?''

"What about that time you dobbed me in to Crimestoppers as the Backpacker Murderer?''

"Well, you do have a large collection of backpacks.''

The Doctor scowled. "It's not just the physical injuries and public humiliations. I've never met anyone so self-centred, dangerously incompetent and insanely useless. In fact, you're the biggest threat facing Warrnambool today. And then there's the utter lack of respect you've shown me. I mean, you named your pet slug after me.''

"Who? Dr Slug?''

"See!''

The Colonel looked desperate. "You can't leave, Doctor - I'm... I'm your father.''

"I'm older than you, you idiot.''

"You can't leave, Doctor... you're my father.''

***

IS this the end for The Doctor and The Colonel? Who will protect Warrnambool now? Is The Doctor really The Colonel's father? Will these questions ever be answered? Does anyone really care?