This week, The Doctor has returned to their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball to find The Colonel looking very pleased with himself.

"You should be proud of me, Doctor," The Colonel beamed. "I've just made our secret headquarters more environmentally friendly and energy efficient."

"Let me guess - you finally took down the Christmas lights," The Doctor replied.

"Oh no, all 4000 lights are still running on full power. I'm talking about insulation, Doctor."

The Doctor groaned. "Here we go...."

"You see, these two nice chaps turned up while you were out and offered to install government-approved batts in our Silver Ball. At first I didn't see the need for a colony of bats living in our roof, but the gentlemen explained that they're not actual living bats - apparently they're some kind of magical artificially intelligent mattress that knows when to keep your stuff hot or cold. What will scientists come up with next?"

"Colonel, we live in a dis-used water tower - where did you think they were going to put the batts?"

"I don't know. I figured they were just going to tape them to the outside."

The Doctor frowned. "You didn't pay these guys did you?"

"Oh no, don't be silly...."

"Thank the gods...."

"...I gave them your full credit card details instead."

The Doctor fumed. "Colonel, what have I told you about buying things from shonky door-to-door salespeople? Remember that time those guys came around and offered to ashphalt our driveway and you paid them and then you realised we don't even have a driveway?"

"Yeah, and they did a crap job too!" The Colonel said.

"You're always falling for these scams, Colonel," The Doctor said.

"You say scam, Doctor - I say opportunity. I'm expecting a phone call from the king of Nigeria's brother anyday now, telling me he's going to pay back that $80,000 I loaned him. And then some."

"You loaned him $80,000?"

"Well... technically, you did. But it's okay because I'll pay you back with the winnings from these $200 worth of scratchies I just bought."