WHEN The Doctor and The Colonel aren't accepting awards at
The Standard's end-of-year awards night, they're taking care of Warrnambool and its people.
This week, the dynamic duo have travelled to Laang so The Colonel can compete in the World Shooting Small Discs Of Clay Championships.
"This is so exciting, Doctor," The Colonel said as he fired his double-barrelled shotgun into the air. "Woohoo! There's nothing like firing a gun to make you feel like a big man."
The Doctor scolded him: "Colonel, this isn't some event where everyone gets drunk and shoots at road signs and cans on fence posts. You can't just fire your gun when you feel like it."
"Your friend's right," a passing official said . "How about we sign you up? And would you mind not pointing that gun at my head?"
"Oh, sorry. Force of habit," The Colonel said, lowering his weapon.
The official smiled helpfully. "We're very conscious of gun safety here."
"Oh, I know all about gun safeties," The Colonel said. "That's the little switch I always forget to turn on."
The duo followed the official towards the registration area. "This is quite a set-up you've got here," The Colonel said.
"Thank you," the official said. "This is the biggest sporting event to come to Laang since Teddy Whitten's car broke down up the road.
"We've got competitors here from all around the world - South Africa, Hungary... and that North American country that has lots of guns."
"America?" The Doctor guessed.
"No, Greenland."
The official turned to The Colonel. "If you're going to compete, I hope you brought your gun licence."
"A gun licence?" The Colonel asked. "What's that? Next you'll be telling me I need a licence to drive!"
"All our athletes have to hold a gun licence," the official said.
"Athletes?" The Doctor scoffed. "Next you'll tell me lawn bowlers are athletes."
"Many of these shooters," the official continued, "have been training for years for this event... some have even been at the Australian Institute of Sport."
"Practising on pole vaulters?" The Colonel asked helpfully.
"No," the official said. "We'd never point a gun at a person... and you should probably stop pointing that gun at yourself."
"I'm just trying to see where the bullets come out," The Colonel said, lowering his gun again. "Wow, you sure know a lot about guns."
"Well," the official said, "I've always been around guns. As a kid there was always a shotgun standing up in the corner of the kitchen."
"In case you didn't eat your vegetables?" The Doctor quipped.
The official turned to face The Doctor. "You don't think much of sporting shooters do you? Ours is a very professional and safe sport and it's thinking like yours that stops us getting government funding and the necessary approvals to make this a world-class event with sponsor-pulling power."
"Did someone say 'pull'?" The Colonel asked, wildly waving his gun in the air.
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