Opinion 
 Blogs 
 The Doctor and The Colonel 
 Attack of the pokie zombies 

Attack of the pokie zombies

WHEN The Doctor and The Colonel aren't celebrating American pagan holidays by hollowing out pumpkins, they're ensuring people in the south-west can sleep soundly at night.

This week, our dynamic duo are at one of Warrnambool's gaming rooms, where The Colonel is trying his luck on the pokie machines.

"Have you lost all your money yet?" The Doctor said, returning from the bar. "We've been here for two hours."

"Not now, Doctor, I'm on the verge of a big win here - I can smell it," The Colonel said.

The Doctor sighed. "Colonel, you're not going to win big. These machines are rigged to take your money."

"No, it's okay, Doctor, I've got a system - The Colonel's Money Cash Win Now Now System. It's geometrically proven." The Colonel leaned closer to The Doctor and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Don't tell anyone, but it involves changing the hand I push the button with every two minutes, only inserting coins minted in 1997, and only using machines facing magnetic north-west."

"You're an idiot."

"Watch and learn, Doctor, watch and learn." The Colonel changed hands and pushed the button. "Oooh, two cherries - that's got to be good."

When the machine failed to spit out any coins, The Colonel became angry. "What the hell? You're kidding me! That was my last dollar!" He kicked the machine. "You evil son of Satan's Super Nintendo! Give me my money back! Don't make me shove my hand up your coin slot!"

The Colonel began violently shaking the machine as a gaming attendant approached.

Later, out on the street, after our heroes had been forcibly ejected, The Colonel continued to rant.

"Those damned machines are the biggest scourge facing Warrnambool today!" he exclaimed. "They're stealing money straight out of the pockets of hard-working retirees, uni students and Colonels everywhere. And it's not just me that thinks that, Doctor - the whole community is in an uproar about more pokie machines coming to Warrnambool."

"We're not getting more pokies, Colonel," The Doctor said. "Warrnambool is already at it's maximum number of machines and all that's happening is the existing machines are being redistributed. And it's hardly a 'scourge' - for the majority of people it's just a bit of entertainment. It's only a small percentage of people who turn into pokie zombies."

"Zombies?" The Colonel said excitedly. "Where?"

"Settle down, Colonel," The Doctor said. "Look, I'm not saying pokies are a good thing, but at the end of the day it's up to the individual whether they play them or not. You just have to beware that playing the pokies is like walking into a brothel with wads of cash - I wouldn't do it personally but ultimately you're gonna get screwed."

Print
Increase Text Size
Decrease Text Size
Page:
1

comments


Date: Newest first | Oldest first
Two myths that need to be discounted. 1. The Myth of Numbers. According to a Victorian Government survey you get the result of 29,212 problem gamblers and 98,486 moderate risk gamblers. 91.04% of problem gamblers participate in pokies. 77.24 of the moderate risk gamblers participate in pokies. Over 27% of those problem gamblers contemplated suicide in the last 12 months. That's a lot of people. People are not a percentage. 2. The Myth of Responsibility Sure, an individual must take responsibility for their own actions. But pokie pubs and clubs need to take responsibility too. There are measures focus on the problem gamblers and don't affect the recreational gambler (yes, there's hard research on this too) yet pokie pubs and clubs won't do the right thing. One measure is stop serving alcohol to gamblers while they are gambling. Another is the Productivity Commissions recommendation that pokies be limited to $1 per button push, losses of no more than $120 per hour and bill acceptor limits to $20. Easy to do. Won't affect the recreational gambler. Time for a Warranbool pokie pub or club to step up to their responsibility.
Posted by Paul Bendat, 30/10/2009 7:20:44 AM, on The Warrnambool Standard
At last the penny is dropping. The players are "zombies" in a hypnotic trance, known in the industry as "the zone", created by the machines which are potent hypnotic devices.
Posted by Tim Falkiner, 30/10/2009 9:41:39 AM, on The Warrnambool Standard
I agree with you Paul, however, whilst your arguments are well stated and based in fact, you overlook one essential element. Greed! Every establishment owner with gambling achines, current or future is only interested in making money. The very thought of protecting problem gambler from themselves has more than likely never entered their collective minds. They pay lip service to overcoming problem gambling by putting flyers and posters in toilets, but I am yet to hear of an addicted gambler being asxked to leave a venue. Even if that did occur, what processes are in place to stop the same addict from going to another venue within the City? And with yet another venue on the horizon, the housekeeping, bills and kids school money will have another opportunity to line the pockets of the venue proprietors.
Posted by The Old Bloke, 30/10/2009 12:25:47 PM, on The Warrnambool Standard
I wonder if all staff at all Pubs/Clubs have a Responsible serving of Gambling certificate? I also wonder if these certified short courses are in need of a "re-vamp". I agree with responsiblity, and it seems even though the word appears in the title of the short course that all staff members associated with gambling areas are to hold, its not actually reality? Or is it that the course is not as black and white and we may have had hoped? Too many legalities maybe? If the course has no shades of grey, would there be a need for the legal self banning from gambling venues that Gamblers Help offers?
Posted by TDsN, 1/11/2009 4:21:47 PM, on The Warrnambool Standard
This is a truly great discussion topic, which has obviously created some public interest. The question I have is “where does the public stand on this issue?” A recent article in The Standard informs of yet another gambling licence being on the horizon. Where and when do we, the citizens of Warrnambool get to have our say? On the other hand, are OUR elected representatives so hell bent on attracting dollars to the city in any form that they will not seek public opinion? How about it Cr. Neoh, are you and your fellow councillors brave enough to consult directly with your constituents on this issue, or will you just go with the recommendations of the salaried staff in the Municipal offices? One other point is this, if the venue proprietor (as reported in The Standard) is so keen to return big name entertainment acts to the city, why is there the need to supplement the business coffers with money from gambling. From, in many cases, people who find it difficult or impossible to resist the sight and sound of pokies or other forms of gambling aimed at separating the gambler, their household and other businesses within the city from the contents of their bank accounts.
Posted by The Warrnamboolian, 1/11/2009 8:38:43 PM, on The Warrnambool Standard
The Doctor and The Colonel
From their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball, The Doctor and The Colonel watch over Warrnambool...

Most popular articles

TAFE - MREC's

 
 
 


The Warrnambool Standard







Weather brought to you by:

Weatherzone

Front Page

Current Issue
Privacy Policy | Conditions of Use | Advertising Terms | Copyright © 2012. Fairfax Media.
 SEND...
 SAVE...
 SHARE...