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Attack Of The Giant Killer Wombats

WHEN The Doctor and The Colonel aren't bumping into kids everywhere they go, they're watching over Warrnambool.

The best place to do that is from their hi-tech secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball, where The Doctor is taking a break to watch Cops.

Suddenly The Colonel bursts in wearing a safari suit and matching hat.

``Quick, Doctor! Fetch my elephant gun!''

``Can't you see I'm busy watching Cops?'' The Doctor said, as he turned to look at The Colonel. ``Why are you dressed like a Big Game Hunter?''

``Because there are giant killer wombats as big as trucks out there!'' The Colonel exclaimed, waving a copy of Saturday's Standard. ``See - it's on the front page.''

``Ah, Colonel . . . ''

But there was no stopping The Colonel now. ``They've got to be stopped! You need to get down to Fun4Kids and protect it from these vicious diprotodons. If one of them gets into the arena it will be carnage! It will be worse than that time I let one of the camels loose at the Jamo school fair.''

The Doctor seized the opportunity while The Colonel took a breath and snatched the newspaper from him. ``Colonel - those footprints are about 50,000 years old. There hasn't been megafauna in Australia for millennia. Did you actually read this story?''

``Well, obviously not.''

``And why would I have to go and protect Fun4Kids? Surely if giant-killer wombats were indeed attacking the city, you would want to be there on the front line to dispense some Colonel Brand Justice.''

The Colonel became indignant. ``I would, but I'm not allowed within 50 metres of Fun4Kids anymore.''

``Why?''

``I was unjustly and forcibly ejected from the arena the other day.''

The Doctor looked disapprovingly at The Colonel. ``Again? What did you do this year?''

``I may have dived in the shallow end of the ballpit after being told I was too big to fit in there. And I may have thrown a temper tantrum when some snot-nosed eight-year-old beat me at Wii Tennis.''

``Well, it's no wonder they threw you out . . .''

``. . . and I may have been a tad overzealous during the sword-fighting workshops. And I may have let a camel loose from the animal nursery.''

The Doctor rolled his eyes. ``It's a festival for children, Colonel. You can't just rock in there and wreck-up the place.''

``But that's not fair. Why should all the kids get all the fun? They get this massive festival with heaps of cool things to do and what do us grown-ups get? Nothing. I propose they have an adults-only day at Fun4Kids. Kick out all the anklebiters and let the big kids in to play.''

``That may be a good idea, Colonel, but until then I think you should just let the kids have the fun. It's Fun4Kids, not Fun4Colonels.''