SO you’ve been asked to give a eulogy at a funeral and you haven’t got a clue how to write one, let alone deliver it to the gathered mourners.
Signing up for public speaking lessons at the local TAFE college is probably out of the question. It’s not often you get advance notice of someone’s death.
You could ask a friendly pastor or priest for help or you could head to the local library for some research.
But, thanks to modern technology, you can learn all you need to in the space of one minute and 27 seconds, in the comfort of your own home and almost for free (taking into account the pro-rata cost of your computer and your internet connection).
It’s today’s equivalent of Martha Gardener, Dear Dorothy, Doctor Harry and Tonia Todman - all rolled into one, ginormous, Trevi fountain of knowledge. It’s called YouTube.
Founded in February 2005, the internet site logged its first video upload two months later. By December, when the site was officially launched, people were watching eight million videos each day. Just seven months later, that number had grown to a massive 100 million video views a day and users were uploading 65,000 new videos each day.
By 2010, 24 hours of video was being uploaded every minute and YouTube had exceeded two billion views a day.
The phenomenal growth is easy to explain when you go hunting. Search YouTube for anything and you’ll find it. There are zillions of budding George Lucases, Stanley Kubricks, Steven Spielbergs and Jerry Bruckheimers running around out there brandishing video cameras, digital cameras and mobile phones and creating original films for the whole world to view.
Been asked to make a plate for the wake after the funeral? Head to YouTube and you’ll find there are several thousand short videos willing to divulge the secrets of soft scones and feather-light sponges.
Getting dressed for the funeral and can’t find your trusty “pre-tied tie on a plastic loop” in the back of the wardrobe? Easy - jump on YouTube and there you have it - 32,000 examples of everything from mastering a half Windsor knot, a full Windsor knot, a double Windsor knot and the four-in-hand knot (whatever that is).
Type a query into the YouTube search bar and it’s amazing what you can find:
- How to bond with your father-in-law.
- Wedd ing dances.
- The art of packing a suitcase.
- Coping with acne.
- How to play marbles.
- Beginners guide to wearing high heels.
- Talking to your kids about sex and/or sexuality.
- Cool science experiments (and you can even try them at home).
Parents appear to have been made redundant. Dads don’t have to explain how to change a flat tyre any more - there are several thousand willing helpers in cyber world wanting to demonstrate themselves.
Mums won’t be asked their advice on how to iron clothes with videos available on ironing a shirt, from "Eric irons his shirt” to “Ironing tips - ironing pants without a crease”. There are also some more radical ironing ideas out there as well, with examples such as “Extreme ironing on the F1 motorway” and “Extreme ironing sky surf” showing how to make the mundane task more exciting.
YouTube has even made grandparents redundant. Examples of advice traditionally handed down by nannas and pops now being shared online include “Knitting tips with Judy”, “Macrame with jute” and “backwards knitting” (go figure), “making a billy cart” and “how to place a bet on a horse”.
My nephew was presented with a guitar for his birthday but couldn’t wait for lessons. Thanks to the internet he was quickly mastering the instrument with videos such as “Guitar lessons for beginners - how to play 1000 songs - day #1 song keys”.
He was invited to his first Blue Light Disco and his mum decided to show him how NOT to dance like Peter Garrett. She also had to make a pom-pom for her daughter recently and had forgotten the finer points - thank you You Tube.
More delicate subjects are also well catered for, avoiding the need to ask friends or work colleagues embarrassing questions.
There’s an “essential” Brazilian waxing video and another titled “Brazilian wax - the back end - Yep, it’s all out there for the world to see”.
Uncomfortably, “How to shave your groin by Gillette” has had more than four million views.
Or try this: “Facelift surgery in 10 minutes - Here’s a complete facelift surgery video, sped up to 10 minutes. This facelift surgery was performed by Dr. Schwartz.”
And for those of you who are computer illiterate, there’s even a video on how to use a computer and how to use You Tube.
You just need to turn the damn thing on and log in first. I’m sure there’s a TAFE course for that.
Email a friend